How to deal with the emotional pain of a miscarriage

Losing a baby during pregnancy can be emotionally devastating for any parent. It is completely ok to grieve for the loss of the baby in development, no matter what stage of pregnancy it was.

A parent can feel heartbroken and it can become difficult to manage your emotions.

You may feel guilt, anger, shock, sadness, numbness, or a sense of failure. Here are some ways to deal with this difficult phase.

1. Grieve and express your emotions
Miscarriage can make you feel a wide variety of emotions and you may struggle to properly express your pain. You may feel angry at your fate for this unfortunate turn of events or guilty by doubting yourself for contributing to the event in any unconscious way. It is important to be kind to yourself and take your time to deal with your emotions, instead of burying them.

2. Take help from family and friends
After a miscarriage, it can become difficult to continue with your day to day activities. It is completely ok to rely on your family members and friends for help with chores, cooking meals, or taking care of your other children.

3. Talk, listen, and process together
Even though a mother can be considered to be more emotionally attached to the expecting baby, a miscarriage can also be very devastating for the expecting father. It is important for couples to express their feelings to each other, listen to each other and get over the pain together.

4. Consider memorializing the baby
The loss of a baby during pregnancy is as important as losing any other person. Therefore, it becomes important to accept the presence of the baby, no matter how short-lived, and say a proper goodbye. It is ok to take your time and find your own way of bidding farewell. This can help in healing your broken heart.

5. Make sure the mother does not feel guilty
Whether internally from a personal level or from the societal point of view, the expecting mother is often blamed for the miscarriage. In reality, most miscarriages happen due to chromosomal abnormalities in the fetus. Feeling guilty will not help you when there’s nothing you could have done to change the outcome of your pregnancy. It is important to let go of self-blame in order to move forward. It is equally important for the father to make sure the mother does not feel guilty or is made to feel guilty by anyone else.

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